You are Enough as You Are: How chasing rainbows can lead us to feel never good enough

By Daniel McMillan, M.Ed, R.Psych

Assured Psychology

Many of us spend our lives chasing a feeling we believe is just around the corner: the feeling of finally being enough.

We’re told—directly or indirectly—that we’ll feel worthy once we reach certain milestones. Success. Appearance. Wealth. Recognition. Admiration. The message is subtle but powerful: When you get there, you’ll finally feel good about yourself.

I like to call this chasing rainbows.

As children, many of us heard stories about treasure at the end of the rainbow. If you could just reach it, there would be gold waiting. But when you try to walk toward a rainbow, it keeps moving. No matter how far you go, it stays just out of reach. The treasure never appears.

As adults, the rainbow becomes internal.

We chase achievements, approval, and comparison with others, believing they will finally bring lasting self-worth. We think we’ll feel good about ourselves once we achieve enough, look good enough, or are admired enough.

But when we arrive, the feeling fades.
And the rainbow moves again.

Psychologist Carl Rogers described this as conditions of worth—the invisible strings that tie our value to our achievements. When we meet those conditions, we feel temporary relief. When we don’t, we feel shame, anxiety, and self-doubt.

Over time, this creates a painful cycle. Our worth feels unstable, dependent, and fragile—like a house of cards that can collapse at any moment.

But striving itself isn’t the problem.

Healthy growth driven by curiosity, meaning, and love is part of what psychologists call self-actualization—our natural desire to grow and become. The difference is motivation. When striving is driven by fear or shame, it becomes exhausting. When it’s driven by curiosity and purpose, it becomes fulfilling.

Here’s the truth we often forget:

You were never unworthy.
Your value was never dependent on success or failure.

Every baby is loved and valued before doing anything at all. That inherent worth doesn’t disappear as we grow older. Because all human beings share equal inherent value, you are not the exception.

The rainbow you’ve been chasing was never outside of you.

Your worth has been there all along—waiting to be recognized, not earned.

 This is one of the most important lessons I believe we can learn and helps anxiety, depression, self-worth and many other difficult aspects of our shared humanity. I hope it rings true for you as well.